2012年7月24日星期二

How to Break Through The Communication Gap With Your Man - Relationship Advice For Women

The first few dates are always the most special ones that no one can forget. It is amazing to feel butterflies in stomach when you find him staring at you. The feeling that everything is like a fairy tale engulfs the heart. Eyes speak so much that words seem to be unnecessary. The silence is eloquent like never before. The initial time spent with your loved one is a surreal experience. But alas, with time, everything changes. The period of romance seems to be over. Irritation dominates the conversation. Intimacy is replaced by aloofness. You begin to wonder whether your relationship was a mistake.

Such a situation is not uncommon. Almost all couples face it at some point of time. But it does not necessarily mean that he does not love you. Men are not very expressive in nature. They may not show their love the way a woman does. They may not speak out every thing that bothers them the way a woman can. His emotional desires and needs are quite different than those of women.

A woman should remember that if she tries to investigate the matter, she would make it worse. Your man will become aggressive and uncooperative. He may become distant and further detached from you. Fights may ensue leading to greater troubles, which may leave an indelible mark on your relationship.

But this should not dishearten you. It’s not the end of the relationship. There are people who have a firm belief that they can cross this barrier of hostility and win back their loved one again. You need to be one of them. You should have the will power to break through the communication gap and make him yours again.

If you are wondering how to go about it, then you are at the right place. Firstly, positive approach is required and keep in mind that both of you are important.

Secondly, a pleasant approach is required. You must know how to speak to your man. The style in which you talk to him is even more important than the content.

You need to understand his likes and dislikes better. You must involve him by bringing him in the subject of your conversation. Also, you should learn how he reacts to different things and situations. This will help you to know about his fears and weaknesses. Then you should take care to avoid such topics that he won't be comfortable in. By doing these, you will be able to develop a deep understanding of the kind of a person he is. And you will know how you can talk to him without upsetting him.

A cautious and calculated approach is what you need to make your man pay attention to you. In this way he will be willing to talk to you and solve all the problems. But this will happen only when you remember that a guy won’t be taking the initiative to break the communication gap, it is you who has to do so. So talk it out and let the emotions flow like a river and drown in the intoxicating feeling of love once again.

Internet Dating: A Lover’s Dream

Nowadays, it is really easy for anyone to find a compatible partner for themselves with the help of several online dating sites as opposed to traditional dating. Earlier, maybe a few years back, Internet dating was given a frown by all. But the scenario has changed drastically. Internet dating is now considered the best to anyone who are in search of life partners.

There are n numbers of dating sites available in the World Wide Web which invites you to come online and join. They often have so much to offer. So, it is very essential to make a thorough and proper search about these dating sites before you think of joining as many may turn out to be a scam. A single click of your mouse enables you to be a member of these dating sites of your choice and presto! You can see a lot of new faces and can find many new acquaintances online.

As mentioned above, a lot of scams happen online and these dating websites are more targeted. You can find different types services offered by dating websites. There are general dating websites, gay dating sites which are meant for both gay females and males but you can even find web sites which cater to the needs of both male and female gays on a separate note. So, it is not a big task to search for any type of partner from these Internet dating sites. As it is to anything, Internet dating has also got its own pros and cons. Let’s look at the pros first.

Pros:

 Online dating websites offer a tremendous amount of options available for all types of people looking for real love.

 Many of these websites are inexpensive.

 Detailed profiles of members provide plenty of insight into one’s personality, dreams, hobbies, etc.

 Meeting a person through an online dating site and eventual exchange of emails enables to know the person better much before you meet them a gradual place. This helps to shun off the awkwardness and insecurity that is often accompanied on first dates evolved through traditional dating.

Cons:

 Some people whom you meet through these dating websites turn out to be not honest about them and often attract perverts or creeps. These often happen through free dating sites that do not demand any membership fee.

 Acquaintances that initiate through these Internet dating sites starts out through e-mailing and you may not be aware of their personality.

 Few internet dating sites charge you very high membership fees in order to view members profile and photos.

 Some people may misuse the photos you may upload in your profile leading to drastic consequences.

Even having a lot of negative aspects, many people have found their real love through these dating websites. And that’s indeed the bright side of internet dating. It is also worthwhile to note that, one should always bear in mind that Internet dating happens only virtually. This may turn into reality or it may not.

Breaking Free From The Emotional Cage Of Jealousy

Jealousy can be sweet when it’s done in a minimum level. It can make you feel secure, or even attractive. But when jealousy hits the top of the scale, you better hold on tight for a chaotic and emotional roller coaster ride. It’s because dealing with a jealous partner can be emotionally and mentally draining.

Yes, without a doubt, an overly jealous partner may and be your own personal poltergeist; they can drain you in seconds like a vampire. Thus an exceedingly jealous lover can be intolerable, intrusive, irritating, and of course, annoying -- to say the least. But take heed of these people, handling an overly jealous partner is an “ART”.

But first of all, you “Need” to understand what jealousy is all about. So let’s take a brief tour along definition lane -- Chronic jealousy is often caused by fear of being left alone or being betrayed. This simply means that jealous individuals usually have trust issues. They have anxious-ambivalent style of attachment.

And the major influence of this attachment is rooted from their childhood. People with this kind of attachment are usually brought up by inconsistent or too protective caregivers, and as a result, they become anxious-ambivalent adults. These people tend to constantly worry about their love life. They need and crave for intimacy; results are, they never stop doubting and questioning their partner’s feelings towards them.

Ironically, the exceedingly jealous individuals behave in a ways that would make their fears real. That’s because when a lover is overwhelmed with jealousy, he or she behaves in a manipulative and controlling manner. Now when a partner behaves in this manner, the natural response is to pull back, be defensive and avert one’s independence.

And this response unfortunately involves secrecy and duplicity. This is an unproductive way of dealing with jealous partners because it will only infuriate them. The productive way of dealing with it is through communication. Talk to your partner about his or her fears. Ask them what makes him or her very anxious about your relationship? Most of all give them the “Ministry of Listening” All of us love attention, right? My advice is, give it to them.

Never be defensive and never argue, and never dismiss his or her jealousy as well. With regards to what you utter, do be cautious of these --“You’re a paranoid! Where the hell did you get that idea?” or “I am not that kind of person! I don’t flirt around! You’re crazy!” These are detrimental to your relationship.

It will not solve your problems. This will only make the jealousy more intense and will make your overly jealous partner alone and misunderstood. But if you get to make him or her talk about feelings of jealousy then you are heading somewhere productive. Be responsive and show to your jealous lover that you can be counted on.

This is where the challenge comes, because a partner with too much jealousy in them can be very persistent and difficult to understand, but if you have faith that both of you can overcome this phase in your relationship then eventually and hopefully everything will fall into place. Another relationship advice in dealing with a jealous partner is to give and show reassurance.

Always remind him or her that your love is true and you are very serious and committed with your relationship. Of course when your partner’s jealousy still dominates your relationship after following these advices then it’s time to take it slow. You can only do so much. There are things that you cannot change or control; after all we all have our limitations.

Insecurity and jealousy are personal issues that your partner needs to overcome within themselves. Remind you partner that if jealousy continues to dictate their every actions or emotions; they are actually depriving themselves the love and happiness that your relationship has to offer.

Your Online Dating Success System

Many of the things that hold men back when it comes to dating in the real world, can hold them back in Online dating too, if they do not remember to leave those things behind when in cyberspace.

The biggest mistake men make in letting the right woman get away is not taking advantage of all opportunities when they are right in front of them - this is as true Online as in reality. The men who are the most successful at Online dating make use of every tool that the site they are using offers them.

You probably signed up for a given site because you liked their particular features - use them. Yes it is true that your profile can work to bring women to you, but if you really want to increase the odds you have to stack the deck a bit.

E-mails

E-mails are one of the primary methods of contact when using Online dating services.

Again do not carry that awkwardness or the reservations you may have about approaching women in the real world Online - you have the opportunity here to correspond with so many potential partners that you really have nothing to lose.

Do not fret over that great "opening line". Ask a simple question that will have to elicit a response, don't try so hard to be "original". Relationship expert David Deangelo, author of Meeting Women Online, says attempts at originality in e-mails are just the opposite - what you think is an original line has been used by dozens of previous senders.

Believe it or not a simple "where are you from" - if that is not in their profile can be a great conversation starter for an Online date.

Do not be overtly flirty or sexual in e-mails (again not unless you are on an adult site, but even here there can be rules governing obscenity and offensiveness).

Be brief - do not ramble and "go on" about yourself. Remember especially if you are really interested in somebody, with some of the barriers down that exist in real meeting situations, there can be a tendency to come on too strong Online.

Relax and take your time to build mutual interest. Don't be overly gushing or complimentary, after all you hardly know this person - yet.

David DeAngelo says one of the keys to Online communicating and to doubling or tripling the number of women you meet on line is to be "Cocky and Funny." It is part of the classic "take away strategy" of sales pros.

Using it you can approach any woman Online in such a way that you playfully, but humorously poke fun at them and make them feel that they should be honored to be communicating with you, not the other way around.

Then once you have their interest you back away in just the right way - that leaves them dying to hear from you again.

David understands that women are "wired" different than men and says this style of communication actual triggers attraction in women on a subconscious and primal level.

We will discuss more on "Cocky and Funny" and other sure-fire Online communications techniques in our next chapter.

Make it Part of Your Routine

Another big mistake a lot of men make, is signing up for an Online dating site and then not taking the time to use it. That is like paying for a Gym membership and then never going.

Men today have very busy lives - that is part of what makes it difficult to meet women in the first place, but success with Online dating takes a certain amount of discipline to use the tools at your disposal.

The best way to do that is to build your Online dating time into your daily routine. That means a specific half-hour a day set aside in the morning before work, after work, or during your lunch hour (be careful not to be cruising dating sites while at work).

Log on and look at profiles, write or respond to e-mails, or update your own profile. Like in any game the best way to increase your odds of winning is to play more often.

All of the sites we mentioned always have updates and tips and relevant articles about Online dating, you never know when spending some time reading those will result in gaining that little piece of info that helps you get that next date.

What The Pros Have to Say

Liz H. Kelly dating coach, and Author of The Fast Track Dating Guide for finding Mr. or Ms Right offers several tips for Online "flirting" with e-mails.

First and foremost she says to have fun, and be humorous, it may sound like an old cliché started by desperate male stand up comics but studies show that women really do love a man with a sense of humor.

Liz also suggests that you look carefully at a woman's photo and ask a specific question about a detail in the picture - "Like what were the winters like going to school in Boston" if she happens to be wearing a "B.U." sweatshirt - it shows you care about details and notice things, a quality woman like.

Same thing goes for asking a specific question about something in their profile - like how "long have you been playing guitar" or if she says she likes "red wine and fireplaces" ask what her favorite Cabernet is.

Here's another helpful tip the pros recommend - change with the seasons. Update your profile with seasonal references like special holiday memories or specific winter/summer activities you enjoy - this may not only help you click with that special someone, it also shows women on the site that you are active and not sticking with a stagnant profile.

Laurie Puhn, communications specialist and author of Instant Persuasion says, "By inserting a seasonal reference in there, you give people a reason to get in touch..." She ads however "Don't forget to change your holiday specific headline or holiday references back as soon as the festivities are over" or you will end up looking like a slacker.

What does this mean? Have clear goals and be honest about yourself! It is truly simple, yet essential.

Your initial contact should be brief, to the point, and courteous. If you are interested in someone send a brief email or message stating who you are and include a short explanation of why you are interested in communicating.

Don't spend a lot of time bragging about yourself or trying to impress someone you don't know. Just be straightforward and honest and wait to see if they are interested in communicating with you.

If someone sends you an initial email or message, be sure to send a reply back whether you are interested or not. It is common courtesy to do so. If you are not interested in further communication, write back and thank them for their message.

Politely let them know that you don't think it's a good match. If you are interested in communication, thank them and begin an initial conversation.

Keep initial messages brief and don't give out personal information too soon. Ask questions and be willing to be open and honest about yourself and what you are looking for in dating partners and a potential relationship.

Take your time in getting to know someone before you agree to meet for an in-person date. Be sure to ask questions to help you determine whether the two of you are compatible and if you feel comfortable with the person. Ask about interests, hobbies, goals, and anything else of importance to you.

If you find there is inconsistency or breakdown in communication, this may be a sign of incompatibility.

Online dating does take good communication skills to be successful. Don't worry about writing the perfect emails or messages. Just be willing to be open, honest and direct. Don't be afraid to ask questions and show a genuine interest in the person you are trying to get to know. Online email is a great way to get to know someone before going on a date. Take your time and enjoy yourself.

2012年7月23日星期一

4 Top Reasons Why Some Men Cheat on Their Wives

One of the things that puzzle many people is why some men cheat on their wives. It really has nothing to do with nature as some people tend to take it. In spite of what is often said, no man will have an affair because he is a dog. Every husband has one reason or another for cheating on his wife.

Here are some of the reasons that bring about this unfortunate situation.

1. Marital upheavals

There is hardly any marriage that does not have its own ups and downs – it just the intensity that differs. It will be easier for a man to go astray during those low times in a relationship. Many men, some of who would never even imagine of cheating under normal circumstances, will be very vulnerable during those times when things are not going well between them and their wives. Although the low moments are inevitable, you should strive to minimize their occurrence and make them last for the shortest time possible.

2. Communication breakdown

No relationship will thrive when there is barely any communication between the partners. If you want to maintain the emotional bond between you, you should ensure that you talk with your partner, not just to him. There are very many things to talk about, including your plans and the dreams you share. Discuss all issues that relate to your family. When there is a communication breakdown in your marriage, it will be easier for your husband to go astray and start a relationship with another woman.

3. Complacency

You will hardly see a woman who takes herself for granted during the early days of building a relationship. However, as you get used to each other in a relationship, you can easily take many things for granted. If you fall into the rut of everyday activities and you do not seem to give your husband as much attention as you used to, you will leave room for other interested women.

Can you remember when you made an effort to look great just for him? Do you try to see that he gets his favorite meals in the way that he likes them? If you no longer engage in things that make your husband happy, he will not be interested in spending time in your company. Ensure that your husband enjoys your company and he will not look at another woman.

4. Problems in your sex lives

Sexual issue does not just have to do with its lack in the marriage. It may as well be that he is interested in more sex than you are willing to give him. It could also be that he would like to spice things up instead of the same method all the time. You should be free to discuss such issues with him and explore reasonable ones together. Otherwise he may try to find someone with whom to experiment.

2 Tips How to Make My Husband Want Me

How can a woman make her husband want only her? No single marriage is perfect. As the sky puts up various looks at times so is the marriage. Many women want to know "how to make my husband want me?" This is a question, which every woman has after they get married. Such a question might create confusion if the exact reason is not known. So there are some steps, which can be followed, and without wasting much time on thinking start creating solutions to make your husband love you. By following these steps, I am sure that you can bring back the sparkle in your life.

1. The areas of conflict

Both should know to compromise with each other’s feelings. If a certain thing is creating any conflict, then do avoid it and come to a solution as quickly as possible in a respectable manner. There is no point in creating areas where conflict might take place. The main problem is when one leaves the problem unsolved because as the thing remains untouched so does the distance between both the opposite sexes increase. It is a requirement of time and patience that if any problems occur then no matter what try to solve it out. In addition, make sure if the solution requires you to crest fall in the situation then go ahead and do so. In this way, you will win him. Nobody has given you the promise that you will have to win each time. A bit of adjustment and compromise can solve the matter. Proper understanding of the situation is required always.

2. Personal interests should be maintained

The best way to avoid any controversy is to give adequate respect to the interest of others. Secondly, if you are sure of making your partner happy then start thinking high. What I mean to say is start-pursuing things, which interests you. One should always have her own personal likes and dislikes but not at the cost of making your partner down. Many a times it has been seen that while maintaining the interests of your family, woman forgets to pursue her own interests. These are things that make a man less drawn to his woman. So try to avoid things that will make your husband unhappy. Independence should be maintained at certain level. This will make him draw closer to you.

To make your husband want you put in some effort in your marriage relationship and the problems which are putting a hindrance on both of your life.

Learn About the 5 Reasons Women Cheat

Although every relationship is unique, there are some common causes of cheating in women that you should be aware of. This is particularly important because they are not the things that readily come to mind, and they can help you save your relationship. Here are the 5 reasons women cheat that will help you to avert a disaster.

Appreciation

Women love to be appreciated, and your wife can go into another man's arms when she receives appreciation from him. The role that women play in maintaining the home in general is very significant. Acting the various roles of wife, housekeeper, and mother to build a happy home takes a heavy toll. It is only fair for you to appreciate her great efforts. If you fail to do this and another man does, that may mark the beginning of an affair.

Attention

If you listen to your wife, she will see that you value her. This is very important even in cases where you do not concur with her point of view. That apparently unimportant thing that your wife is talking about may mean a great deal to her. When you just ignore her, she will feel that you do not really value her. If she finds a man who listens to her, it will be very easy to cheat.

A feeling of being ignored

Can you remember when you last did something to please your wife without any hidden agenda? Do you let her know that you truly appreciate her presence? Or do you limit your actions to only those times when you are trying to sooth her anger – and snuggle closer?

Lack of passion

Try to think back to the initial stages of your relationship. Perhaps the passion between you was so hot it could light a fire. Are things still the same or have the flames died out? If you are no longer passionate with your wife, she will take this to mean that you have no interest in her any more. She may assume that you no longer care about her at all. She may even begin to think that there is another person in your life, and she will be tempted to look elsewhere, which takes us to the next reason why women cheat.

If they have reason to believe their husbands cheat

What you need to understand here is that your woman will not need to have concrete proof. If there are some things that arouse her suspicion, that is all that matters to her. While you may see this as rather irrational, it is still the fact. However, it is very easy to clear these suspicions. All you need to do is make your own life be transparent to her. If she calls you, answer the phone. If you say you are going somewhere, be where she expects you.

These are the top 5 reasons women cheat, and taking the right actions will help to avoid this painful experience. Even if shes already had an affair, you can still learn to get your woman back.